thoughts

life is good
I am happy
things seemed balanced
panic doesn't seem to be so close to the surface today
and I am trying to to think so hard about things I can not control
though I have been getting phone calls about retribution.
what a great word.
I doubt in fact if retribution can be had.
If only after other ppl that are abolished from my life, I could have someone fight for things that they broke or took. how much can you charge for your unjaded look on life, or your trust? could a lawyer track him down and try to make a man give back the fire that was in your soul, or the spirit that he broke in his attempts to tame you into something that he could introduce to his mother, his father and his friends?

A few months ago a friend I hadn't seen in years was pleased to see that "I hadn't changed" little did he know, that the road I took these last few years has finally put me back on to a road that I am happy to be on. I feel like I have a plan not plan a map, so I know where I want to go and the different ways that are possible for me to get there. it even has the scenic parts!

I have been thinking alot about my family lately. Mostly about how different all of the kids in my family have turned out. Chad once, in a fit of frustration, accused me of wanting Missy's life. My brother Adam, when I told him about it, simply stated that in a bastardized way we all want what she has, and she has it and can't appreciate it or be happy in it. Granted in growing up Missy and I have ended up in reversed roles.... and it doesn't make me sad in the ways that it once did. I have ended up being a person that I really like for the most part, and my life follows form.